The Indian Lynching League

Today is an apt day for this idea:

How about we start an Indian Lynching League?

There\’s massive talent in this country for this glorious, age-old, national sport of lynching. People have been lynching in India as amateurs and part-timers for hundreds of years now! It\’s time to professionalize and commercialize it.

We have the players — millions of educated, unemployed, biased youth of this country, who, with an appropriate amount of brain-washing, would love to die, literally, for their teams.

We have the audience — millions of educated, well-off, middle-class Indians, who find hatred a powerful antidote to their own feelings of impotence. Nothing will turn them on more than watching a mob, comprising players from the team they support, rush into the house of an old man and lynch him to death at the drop of a rumor. What team spirit!

We have the sponsors — politicians from all industries, who want a piece of the action, the pie, and whatever else a lynch mob throws up in its wake. They have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Nothing spruces up a vote bank in India like a sectarian clash. A few million bucks sponsoring this sport is not going to go waste. Believe me, politicians will get their ROI (return on investment), they will get their pound of meat—mutton, or beef, or pork, or human, or whatever.

And then, we have the businessmen who will run the show —- God\’s own deputies, the enterprising people of \’faith\’ who tell us what to do and how to do it; what to eat and how to eat it; who to screw and who to screw with. These coaches of stature, these herders of men, these spouters of vitriol — they will train our players in the fine game-play of bludgeoning and inspire them into a murderous frenzy. They will ensure that shareholders and sponsors of this \’holy\’ alliance are ridonculously rewarded for their investment in fragmentation. After all, Orange is the new Black!

This country was always divided into teams. They wore their language, caste, religion, region, and diet as colorful jerseys. And of late, the stock of divisiveness has really gone up! There is no way this sport is not going to make money for the team owners!

We have the blood-lust and the insanity. We have the gladiators, the sacrificees, and the emperors who will gleefully thumb down the life of an injured person (and keep quiet). All we need is a coliseum.

Let no apostle of peace spoil the fun for us. This is no country for old, peaceful men.

Let the games begin!

Published by Anupam Choudhury

I'm a writer, editor, and blogger from New Delhi, India.

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