hw dz it mattr nywayz?

Middle-aged, potbellied and hairy Rajiv Ji enters the cyber cafe with his lanky teenage son Ishaan in tow. Rajiv Ji is wearing an oversized t-shirt over longish ‘shorts’ and a pair of worn Hawaii chappals. Ishaan is wearing a black tee, blue jeans, black sandals and a sombre look.

Rajiv ji to cyber café guy: “We want to check IIT-JEE results. My son heard that they’re releasing it online today.”

“Do you have an account, Sir?”

“No.”

“Ok, you could browse for an hour for 20 Rupees or you could take a membership and one-month validity coupon for 50 Rupees.”

“I don’t have much work, so I think the first option is ok.”

“Take the coupon. You can use it again if you don’t finish it today. It’s valid for a month.”

Rajiv ji looks at Ishaan and asks, “What do you say? Will you use it?” Pause. Ishaan is staring at the floor. “Bolo! If you will use it then I’ll take it. It’s valid for a month.” Ishaan slowly nods his bowed head from left to right, indicating ‘OK’.

Slowly, Ishaan sits on a comp. His dad sits next to him. Ishaan opens a notebook. Reads something from it. Carefully types on the keyboard and a page starts downloading. Rajiv Ji peers into the screen trying to decipher the digital mumbo-jumbo. Ishaan is reading the text without speaking and is clicking from time to time. Rajiv Ji can read it too, but after a while, he asks Ishaan.

“So? What does it say? Are the results out or not?”

“No Papa.”

“Then when is it going to come out?”

“I’m checking papa.”

After 5 minutes more of checking, Rajiv Ji is impatient.

“What is it?”

“Doesn’t say anything, Papa.”

“Then how will you know? Ask your friend Vidur.”

“I asked Papa. I will email them, Papa.”

“Ok, you do that. I’m going home now. Come back soon.”

“Ok, Papa.”

Rajiv Ji’s second foot was not out of the café before Ishaan’s fingers started flying across the keyboard.

“dublyoodublyoodublyoodotorkutdotcomenter”

Ishaan’s profile photo has him in low waist anti-fits and spikey-gelled hair and his best mate Janice by his side.

23 new scraps.

Scrap from @$$k!kr: “hey hus da chix in da pix?”
Reply to @$$k!kr: “ma buddy kul 4m skul. nw fukoff k?”
Scrap from ne~^~ha: “hey hansm watz ur futr plans?”
Reply to ne~^~ha: “no idea dn care nywayz. Dads goin bzerk!”
Scrap from \/iduR: “hey bro sup? reslt ka kya hua? tensd!”
Reply to \/iduR: “No nus yt. gand fati padi hai! u cumn 2 chil @ priya evng?”
Scrap from $/\m|r: “dude u online?”
Reply to $/\m|r: “q? kya hai be? u alwyz on orkut! no odr wrk jakazz?”
Scrap from \m/ju$t|n\m/: “yo lissn lifs bitchn dun fink I’ll mak it.”
Reply to \m/ju$t|n\m/: “okzzz jus hang on. u hafta luk 4 smthn difrnt.”
Scrap to shirley: “hey babe meet me @ priya @ 7 k?”
Scrap to ananya: “hi sweets wana meet @ priya 2mrw 7?”

Ishaan hollers at the café guy, “Bhaiya! Why don’t you have Limewire on this machine?”

Published by Anupam Choudhury

I'm a writer, editor, and blogger from New Delhi, India.

2 thoughts on “hw dz it mattr nywayz?

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